margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize