He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
