we have officially lost it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
