Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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