i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
