: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
