i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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