I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
