A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
