it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
