we're blogging at a bar
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
