I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
