his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think i got beer on your cat.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
