you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
