If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Alive.
So much puke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
