# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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