I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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