I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
