I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize