saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
