I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
