i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
