i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
