is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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