just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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