Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
