For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
