The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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