Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
