Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
