i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
