I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
