so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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