Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
