The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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