I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
