So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
