Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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