I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
