Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
