Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize