I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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