he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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