I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
