dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
