Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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