listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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