You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
