your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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