he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
