Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
