He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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