i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
