I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
