I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
