he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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