Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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