I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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