i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
