do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
