she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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