i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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