I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
