thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
