idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
