I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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