When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When are your genitals available?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
