Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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