my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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