my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
