dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
