just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
