when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
