I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
