I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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