Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
