Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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