I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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