I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
