I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
