I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
