Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
