sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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