ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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