Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Someone shattered a urinal.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
