I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
