took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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