i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
