I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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