is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have post one night stand depression
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
