Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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