If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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