its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
