while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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