I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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