you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
