I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
