I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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