Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize