do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
