my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
