Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
