im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize