no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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