We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
