My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
