youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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