toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
