you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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