I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
