And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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