just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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